A Common Thread
Photo by Marina Ermakova on Unsplash
We all have losses.
That's the reality of this broken, difficult season. For each individual or family or community at large, there is a loss, or two, or three, or thousands. The loss may be immense and heavy, such that the mention of your loss may bring a stranger to tears. The loss may seem surface or simple, such as the loss of routine or your favorite outlet for relaxation. In the beginning, I found myself hesitating to give in to the weight and emotion of our family's losses because I would compare them to the losses of others and think, our isn't as bad. And while it may be true that on a scale of emotional response, ours may not illicit the same reaction of other losses (and the loss of life counts for it's own distinct type of loss), our loss is still that. It is a loss to our family. Our two biggest losses during this season to date are the loss of our first born's last part of kindergarten and a relational loss. And wow, it's so good to just feel the weight of those losses and not feel the need to compare it to other's loss. It's comforting in a way to know that I can feel my loss, and that while it is different from the loss of others, we are united in the sense that we all have a loss from this season. But also, it would be a shame to acknowledge the loss without acknowledging the gain. While my son will not have those last months with his teacher at school, I have been able to teach him! This time with him has grown my understanding of how he works and how much he's grown this year in his abilities. This time with him has been invaluable for his little brothers, as their bonds with each other have grown deeper and as the two little brothers learn new words and skills from watching and interacting with big brother more. Such a gift. While we experienced a painful relational loss at the beginning of this season, we have gained deeper and truer relationships that have been life giving!
So, dear friend, I am sorry for your loss, whatever it is. If you've been holding back from letting yourself acknowledge it, here's permission, it's okay to feel that loss. Cry, breathe, sing, dance, journal... whatever you need to do to acknowledge it, feel it, and process it. If you've been relentlessly comparing your losses to others, there's no need. You can rest from that tiresome work and just let your losses be your losses and acknowledge that we all have a loss from this season. But, dear friend, please don't overlook the gifts.
